10. Technicolor splendor. Because of the growth in video conferencing, we’re going to eliminate our travel budgets and do everything through video conferencing.
9. Lightning strikes twice. Apples and Androids have gone too far and the Bring Your Own Device model is unsupportable. So we’ll go back to company-issued PCs and phones so we can lock down devices.
8. Increasing cloud cover. This cloud thing has gone way too far. It’s not secure enough or robust enough. So let’s move back to the mainframe.
7. Fizzled. It has been demonstrated over and over again that security firewalls don’t work. It’s hopeless and a complete waste of money to spend money on security, so we’re shutting down that function and switching to an open-Internet concept.
6. The pie crumbles. We’ll be better off if we eliminate our existing set of multiple service providers and give our work to only one service provider with a long-term, 10-year contract.
5. Turf wars. The global talent model and offshoring is too painful and difficult to administrate, so we’re moving our service delivery to Silicon Valley. We can get cheap, reliable technology out of the Valley.
4. Castles in the sand. Our IT team is spending too much time talking with the business users about short-burst projects that satisfy user’s desires. This is a real waste of time away from an enterprise-wide focus. So we’ve decided to go back to implementing large-scale ERP and CRM types of implementations – the multimillion-dollar / multi-month projects.
3. Recasting. Because we want our IT group to focus more on innovation but not waste time, we’ve decided they will spending more time talking to software vendors and less time speaking with our community of business users.
2. Spoilsports. Since automated, RPA and robotic services reduce employment in our service desk / help desk and break-fix services, we’re establishing a new corporate policy that outlaws these automation strategies in our company. In the meantime, if a robot shows up at your desk, don’t show it how to code.
1. The “aha” moment. Finally, because of consumerization of IT, we now realize we can buy great technology off the Internet. So there’s no longer any real need an IT department since it provides no value to the company. So we’ve decided to shut down the IT department.